Grace and Goose Poop

So, after two weeks of being in Bucks County all alone, I am still thriving.  Though I do admit to a bit of loneliness last Friday and Saturday.  Maybe a bit of Mother’s Day musing, a bit of sadness over having to give up our good dog, Sheena (who is the only dog I have ever really bonded with), and also a number of challenges with giving up and letting go as we finalize severing the relationships with our possessions and loved ones in Champaign.  Dave has worked hard getting our house in Champaign ready to sell and our home ready to move.  We talk alot.  I miss Dave and will miss him even more next week when his cell phone coverage is limited.

Being alone takes some discipline and focus.  In a message from LifeChurch, Craig made the observation that we can either fear failure or regret.  I am intent on not regretting how I spend these five weeks of being alone.  I look forward to having Joel here and having our own place and, eventually, sharing Bucks County and the fun places I am discovering with Dave, but in the meantime, every day matters and I want to have something to show for the gift of solitude I have been given.  Focus and intention and discipline is what I am learning.

One life lesson from staying on Pidcock Creek Road and the multi-millon dollar estate….There is a long, winding lane that is lovely….past a pond and over a stone bridge, past the house to my parking spot under a blooming dogwood tree and facing the gardens.  The flowering plums and crabapples are just about past.  But the peonies and iris and clematis are just about to burst open.  I find myself slowing down whenever I enter the property.  It would be wrong, somehow, to drive fast past all the natural beauty.  Yesterday, I took a walk around the grounds and saw lots of common birds like robins and sparrows and cardinals as well as a hawk.  I also glimpsed a groundhog and watched a little mouse.  One morning, early, I watched a doe and her very small fawn explore the immaculately groomed lawn (in spite of the deer fence).  Yet, amidst all the beauty and natural wonder, there are geese–and goose poop.  Lots and lots of goose poop.  All over the lane and the lawn around the pond.  Just like with Willow Creek Community Church in Barrington, and in our Home Owners Association in Champaign, and anywhere else that there is a pond or lake–geese poop.  And no matter how you feel about geese, their poop is a nuisance.  So, the life lesson is that no matter where you are living, there will always be poop to contend with.  The goal is to contend and deal with it all (disappointment, loneliness, manure) with grace and truth.

Free to go….

Dave is in Copper Canyon.  I am in Champaign.  We are both thriving and succeeding and smiling.  He just called with 4 minutes available phone time, telling me he is on his own for a few days.  He spontaneously hopped off the train to hike to the bottom of the canyon tomorrow with a group of French students.  He is sporting a new hat, given to him by his new “friend forever,” Alberto, who bestowed the hat as he announced the title.  Dave is happy, happy–and confident that taking people to this place of wonder in Mexico is his next venture.

He is free to begin that and build that and do that and love doing that. 

I, on the other hand, am facing my last week of work here and planning for the first weeks of my new job in Pennsylvania.  Both are proving to be fun and promising and energizing (and a bit fatiguing).  Someone who knows me professionally pretty well told me today that I sound “light-hearted.”  So I am.  For Dave and me both. 

I determined long ago that I would live with the clearest conscience possible.  In the Bible, we are instructed to “as far as it is possible, live at peace with all men.”  Once I noticed the words “as far as it is possible,” it became a possible freedom that I have kept close.  Living with a clear conscience is not easy.  It takes a lot of introspection, communication, reflection, and prayer.  But I think that my light-heartedness today is really just the deep knowledge that I have done my job here well and that now, I am free to go. 

Dave is free to go to Mexico and Colorado.  I am free to go to Bucks County.  We are free to go together and free to go seperately.  And with the freedom comes a stronger commitment to be together than ever before.

Blogging for Interaction

As Dave and I talk with people about his decision to resign and then our decision to relocate, I sense that there are two reactions.  One, that it is pretty cool we are able and willing to make a change that we deeply sense is good for us.  The other, that we must either be out of our minds or hiding some “real” reason for our rash decision.

So, since blogs are for interaction, let me invite you to state your opinion about our decision—or ask your question.

A Whole Lot of Miles

In the past eight days, Dave has put 3200 miles on my little Mitsubishi and we logged another 1400 flying miles and drove another 1400 or so in Georgia, Tennessee, and Florida.  Oh.  And, we drove to Chicago and I had a flight to Pennsylvania if we add two more days to our log.  We are tired.  And optimistic.  And amazed at all our deep affection for and confidence in one another.

Part of our current journey is overcoming bad karma from our years of letting other people define success and spirituality for us.  We are done with that.  Now, we are celebrating the strengths that God has uniquely given each of us and we are intently and intentionally focused on finding the best opportunities to bring all of that strength out in the open.

We have met amazing people, have amazing opportunities, and are going forward with good options and, at this point, few guarantees.  Oh well.  If God is for us, who can be against us?

 Life is good.  God is good.  All the time.

Getting our Feet Wet

When Dave resigned his position in January, we honestly had no idea what he/we were going to do.  But we knew, without a doubt, that it was the step to take at the time.  We have had our moments of wondering which direction we might take, where we might end up, but we have not looked back, have not doubted the decision to move forward.

Now, two months into this, we see the waters parting.  I have often reflected on the Old Testament story of the second time the Israelites crossed a river.  When they were finally leaving the desert, everyone ready to enter the Promised Land, God told the priests to carry the ark of the covenant before the people.  When they got to the Jordan, it didn’t part for them until the priests had their feet in the water.  They had to wade in and get their feet wet, trusting that God would provide a way, before they actually saw a way through the river. 

We are travelling and actively pursuing opportunities now.  Our journey in two months has included California, Chicago, Pennsylvania, Georgia, Texas, Colorado, Tennessee, Florida.  Dave is solidifying his path forward and it looks like it will involve wonder and wilderness.  I am focused on finding the opportunity that will bring out the best in what I have to give–and I am blessed and motivated by people I am talking with who recognize my strengths and who are creating opportunities for me.  We got our feet wet and now, we are seeing our way forward.

While we are moving away from professional “ministry,” we  both solidly understand that we are ministers of the grace we have received to everyone we meet.  We are confidently going forward, wet feet and all!

So far….

Last evening, Dave and I took a long walk.  We always think clearly while we walk.  We are definite that we are ready to relocate.  There is a lot to consider.  Joel is a major consideration.  But he is so wonderfully cheerful and flexible that we are confident he will end up fine.  A friend of mine came to Champaign with a son with some limitations and she wishes at times she had stayed where she was.  The services were much better for an adult with special needs where she came from.  Joel will be fine.  He is part of our needs that God is aware of and concerned about.  I have no doubt.

I feel sad about moving away from Wilson and Anne and Zac.  All of them are doing grown up things that are moving them forward and while they don’t “need” me so much as a mom any more, they do very much need me at times.  And when they do, they really do.  But, again, I am confident all this change is good for all of us.

We have agreed that whoever finds a job first determines the destination.  We are praying for “fulfilling employment” and by a date of April 1.  I told Dave I need to have something specific to pray about these days….I trust God completely.  My only fear comes from my own limiting beliefs, that I am learning to recognize at first ugly rearing of the head.  I have no fear about God providing or caring or loving us.

On our walk, we once again solidified our commitment to one another and the direction we are taking right now, together.  It is truly amazing that we have been married for 34+ years.  But more amazing to me is that we enjoy being married to one another!  A thought last night was that if one of us was to die in six months, would we regret this decision to move?  Both of us agreed that in that situation, we would regret not moving if we don’t.

Dream of the Day

Today, I dream of working with people who are honest in their core selves.  I dream of having friends and colleagues who think deeply and wrestle with what the right thing to do actually is.  I dream of being in an environment where wrongs are righted and where offenses are acknowledged and forgiven.  I dream of relationships where the parties are secure enough that disagreements are fun.  I dream of having a daily opportunity to exchange ideas and share new thoughts and of being stimulated to go further, think deeper, run harder, laugh louder.

Being wide awake and dreaming of being in a place where our strengths are valued and celebrated and used for good is a nice way to start a Saturday in the middle of a life-changing job search.  While Dave and I are very different in so many ways, we have truly become comfortable in how we fit together.  The dream in the paragraph above exists between us….most of the time….and that is probably why I’d like so much to expand it. 

There is a good place for us that we are closing in on.  We are enjoying the process, secure in the belief that God is leading and we are willing to go–wherever.

Reality

This morning, Dave is off to San Francisco to network, something he would not have thought to do a month ago.  The morning began with him checking his voicemail at 6:10 to hear that his flight to O’Hare was delayed enough that he wouldn’t make his connection to CA.  But….if he could make the 6:39 flight to Dallas, he had a chance to catch a flight that would get him to San Francisco in time for his appointment this afternoon.  I said, “There’s no way we can make it….call AA and see what they can do.”  He said, “Let’s go and see if that flight is delayed.”   Usually, I am the realistic optimist….he is the more realistic realist. 

At the airport, sure enough, the Dallas flight was loaded and closed and the check-in line was long with all the frustrated Chicago travelers needing to reschedule and re-route.  However……as we stood there, the Dallas flight was pulled back to the gate to wait for better conditions.  With only carry-on luggage, Dave got on the re-opened flight and is on his way by 7:26…through Dallas, not Chicago where he surely would have spent his day waiting for a flight. 

So, we continue to know that God is leading us to a good place.  There are so many evidences of God’s love and provision and blessing all around us.  That is the reality we live in.  This morning, Dave could have given up and resigned himself to a day at O’Hare, but instead, he has a deep sense of God leading and providing for us.  So he is off to CA with scheduled meetings with men (and woman) who have agreed to talk with him to help him go onward and a late-last-night new amazing lead that connects other dots in the picture.

Reality is that we can focus on the reality that God loves us and has a plan and just heaps blessings on us…..or we can choose to be distracted by the normal bumps in relationships and/or circumstances that can also become our reality.  Today…I choose blessing!!

Life mission statement and the big why

   One of the workshops I created and have presented is on writing your own personal mission statement.  Of course, I wrote my own in the process of developing the training.  It has stuck….no questioning in the ten years or so since.  My mission is “to live a life so full of grace and truth that others will be compelled to follow Christ.”  That’s it.  Grace and truth.  I will blog later on the balance of grace and truth. 

 Now, I am challenged to also have a big why.  It’s different than a life mission.  Gary Keller challenges the internal work of coming up with a “big why” in his book on simplifying real estate into four models (that work, by the way).  The big why here is WHY? do you go to work every day and do the same thing over and over?  I’ve thought about this alot in the past year.  Similar to GK, it’s about doing the best I can and being the best I can…..the best, of course, at being so full of grace and truth that my life compells people to Jesus.

What’s my big why with being a of Team Leader with Keller Williams?  It is that it makes my heart beat fast to help other people succeed…..let me help you find what is strong about yourself and make it work, understand what gives you energy and get going, use the information that works and personalize it into your own success.  That’s it. 

So, my “big why” as a Keller Williams Team Leader is “to be in a position that helps me learn to be the best I was created to be, using my strengths to add value to others.”  The challenge of stretching and growing myself, then passing that to others is a good fit for me.  It’s the “big why” of my work.

Here we go!

We have had quite a journey.  Greg Mengden, Texas Tech budding herpatologist at the time, asked thirty-five years ago if it would last.  Wondering if he was asking about following Jesus or staying together.  Both are still true.  here we are …..  still together and wondering what’s next?  five kids, deep memories, lots and lots of experiences, addictions and abuses, and now loving one another more than ever in the past. 

What does that say about following Jesus, about sticking together, about loving an adventure? 

 I’m still figuring that out….but I am glad we have stuck it out…and glad to be finding grace in an easier way as I learn to fight less.